Brown-headed Cowbird: A stocky blackbird with a fascinating approach to raising its young. Females forgo building nests and instead put all their energy into producing eggs, sometimes more than three dozen a summer. These they lay in the nests of other birds, abandoning their young to foster parents, usually at the expense of at least some of the host’s own chicks.
Cowbird: A parent who comes to the park, instructs their child to "Run play," and immediately begins an epic session with their cell phone. This parent assumes that, because you're out actually on the playground with your child, you'll be willing to serve as foster parent and lifeguard. The worst sort of cowbird may actually give you a chiding look if you fail to push their child on the swings or tend to their booboos while said child is under your implied care.
Stat Shot:
Number of parents at the park yesterday: 6
Number using cell phones for the entire duration of their visit: 4
Actual reaction seen to a small child falling and hurting his hands: Eye rolling
Number of moments phone call was halted or ended to tend to hurt hands: 0
Projected number of Advil parent must take a day for frozen shoulder due to parenting with constant ear/phone/shoulder sandwich: 12
Number of children under 3 roaming unattended on a play structure meant for ages 8 and up: 2
Number of times an older child insisted on going down the baby slides in shorts, making that awful skin-on-plastic-slide sound: 3
Practicality points earned for wearing high-heeled wedge sandals to the playground: 0
Number of parents smoking Marlboro Menthols inside a gated area containing only children's play equipment even though there are plenty of benches and trashcans in the park directly adjacent to this area: 1
Lucy's level of hatred for the smell of menthol cigarettes: 50 billion
Number of construction vehicles working not far from the park: 2
Number of minutes construction watching held Henry's attention: 10 (Personal Best!)
Number of minutes Henry wanted to let anyone else have a turn with the captain's wheel: 0
Novel idea: Take your kids to the park, leave the phone in the car...and play with them.
i thought only new jersey whores smoked menthol cigarettes. exactly where was this park?
ReplyDeleteI hate those moms too! Hate them.
ReplyDeleteLeave the phone at home please!
(I also hate the talking on the cell while grocery shopping with small children. Only okay if it's an emergency in my book.)
I've been some version of both of these moms, but instead of Menthols I smoke Cloves.
ReplyDeleteNo. I dont.
But making out with cupcakes I do.